IS THE ERA OF CELEBRITY REALITY OVER?

In case you didn’t hear the news yesterday – don’t get too attached to A&E’s new celebrity reality show, The Hasselhoffs, following cheesy C-list celeb David Hasselhoff and his daughters. After just two episodes on the air the cable network has made the decision to yank the rest of the series off the air – leaving 8 episodes unaired.

The Hasselhoffs marks the end of a bad year for the Hoff. He resigned from America’s Got Talent only to find his replacement, Howie Mandel, infinitely more popular (David is now heading to the UK to head up Britain’s Got Talent). He was the first celebrity cut from Dancing With The Stars – a real embarrassment for someone who was billed as a great booking for the show. And he’s now stuck in London doing pantomime in Wimbledon (I used to live ten minutes from the theater – it’s going to be a grim winter for The Hoff!)

But even though I had a feeling The Hasselhoffs wouldn’t do too well I’m still surprised by A&E’s decision as cable networks hardly ever kill shows. The network ordered 10 episodes in total and I suspect they weren’t cheap – so taking an 8-episode hit will be costly for the network. But I guess the ratings really were THAT bad. Episode 1 of the show managed just 718,000 viewers while the second installment pulled in just 505,000. By comparison A&E’s new show Storage Wars is managing close to 2 million viewers.

Meanwhile the network’s other new celebrity series, Teach with Tony Danza, has also underperformed. And over on Vh1 the ratings for Bret Michaels: Life As I Know It and Mario Lopez: Saved By The Baby are pitiful (neither attracts more than 500,000 viewers in their premiere screenings). And I’m not exactly hearing big buzz about Mel B: It’s A Scary World over on Style.

So does this mean the era of the Celebrity Reality show is over?

Let’s hope so.

Now I can’t comment on The Hasselhoffs as I didn’t get a chance to watch the show, but after sitting through 15 minutes of the Mario Lopez monstrosity I can’t for the life of me fathom why the show was developed in the first place. I like Lopez – as a host on Extra and eye candy – but do I really care enough about his life to sit through a (largely staged) half hour documentary each week? Does anyone?

Here’s the problem. At the moment Mario and Bret and David (and also Harry and Lisa on TV Land) don’t have a huge amount going on in their careers. None are at the peak of their fame – so just like the dreadful Denise Richards: It’s Complicated – we’re left with shows following vaguely famous people living their lives. We never get real A-list access to parties and events as these ‘stars’ aren’t big enough. Their lives aren’t busy and frantic to be really interesting – they’re on the periphery of where the real action is. And because they’re celebrities none of these people will ever really open up and let their guard down. So we’re left with the truly mundane – Mario stealing toilet paper from the Extra studio – yep, that was seriously how episode one started! And because nothing is really happening producers are forced to invent situations leading to that dreaded ‘scripted reality’ again.

Now to be fair not ALL celebrity reality shows play out that way. For me the Bret Michaels show is better since at least he’s been through the wringer over the last year and after appearing on some many other reality shows (Rock of Love, Celebrity Apprentice) he’s learned to let his guard down. He’s also quite likable. In the same way The Osbournes and Breaking Bonaduce also worked as they were real – Ozzy and Sharon were unapologetic about who they were and could give a damn what people thought. Danny was too f***** up to care.

Meanwhile you can just feel Lisa Rinna on her show thinking about every set up and situation – she wants to be seen as ‘wild and crazy’ enough to be interesting – but not too crazy that she doesn’t land that TV role or talk show that will elevate her out of this reality nonsense.

And ultimately that’s what’s a bit sad about celebrity reality – it’s just so cynical. I took some criticism for my early defense of Jersey Shore but you know what at least those guys are being honest and being themselves. I’d rather watch Snooki and The Situation getting drunk and getting into fights than a celebrity redecorating their home (a reality standby) or trying to get in shape (a la Kirstie Alley!)

For me celebrity reality is lazy programming – mindless fodder that’s the equivalent of TV chewing gum. It’s for people who subscribe to US Weekly and People magazine and are actually interested in whether Kristen and Robert are dating or which celebrity kid ‘wore it best’.

And remember – what we get to see is the best stuff – can you imagine the garbage that’s being pitched to network development teams all the time. I know because they tell me!

Of course if a network can land one of my Most Wanted list – see my Casting Call piece for the celebrities I’d love to see get their own show – then I’ll be tuning in. But please no more Hasselhoffs, washed up 80’s celebrities, faded pop stars and old sitcom actors. Sometimes the ratings really do get it right…